The Inner Prisons We Build — And Burn Down
“At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore.” (Erica Jong)
By now, we are old enough to know: more often than not, the prison we’re trying to escape from is one of our own making.
It takes living through a whole lot of life before we can even begin to read that chapter in the Book of Becoming, but once we do - once we see those bars for what they are - we are powerful enough to burn them down.
So here’s to the inner prisons we build, and the wild, holy freedom of tearing them apart when we’re ready.
1. The Good Girl Conditioning
“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” (Laurel Thatcher Ulrich)
We were brought up to be nice, polite, soft-spoken, and agreeable - regardless of how we actually felt. We were taught to never rock the boat, even though we were born excellent swimmers. We were told, not with words but with disapproving silences, to dim our light so others wouldn’t feel uncomfortable.
Swallowing our truths became second nature. But what did it cost us?
Let this be the year we choose voice over obedience. Boldness over being “nice.”
Let this be the year we stop shrinking.
2. Perfectionism
“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.” (Louisa May Alcott)
Somewhere along the line, we bought the lie that we must do it all - and do it perfectly - or not at all.
That our worth lies in performance, productivity, and appearances.
But perfection is a myth. It’s presence that matters. It’s progress that empowers.
Let’s stop stealing our own joy in the name of “getting it right.”
3. Fear of Judgment
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” (Lao Tzu)
This one runs deep. Too loud. Too much. Too messy. Too wild. Too emotional.
We walked into each day ready to stand before an invisible jury - trying to earn our place by silencing our truth.
Onthou julle nog daai: "Wat sal die mense sê?"
We were too small then to say: “Dit het mos niks met hulle te doen nie.”
But we’re not small anymore. It is time to stand up and be heard.
4. Comparison & Self-Criticism
“Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.” (Regina Brett)
We’ve measured ourselves by everything - our bodies, our homes, our careers, our bank accounts. So many have tried to keep up with the Joneses, not knowing they were barely keeping up themselves.
But here’s the truth:
There’s no such thing as “behind” - we’re all on our own timelines.
My personal mantra?
Never compare. Never compete. Just become.
5. Guilt
“You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.” (Unknown)
Oh, how we were taught to feel guilty - about everything. Our desires. Our dreams. Our need for rest. Our hunger for more.
Even our healing brought guilt. How dare we want to thrive after just surviving for so long?
But guilt begins to dissolve the moment we remember:
It is sacred to receive. It is necessary. It is allowed.
6. Over-Responsibility
“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” (Unknown)
How long have we carried the weight of everyone else’s happiness on our backs?
How many times have we fixed, smoothed, buffered, and bent - just to keep the peace?
We learned to be martyrs early. We were praised for our sacrifices, as though they were holy.
But let this truth sink into your bones:
You are not responsible for anyone’s peace but your own.
As Rumi said, “The soul is here for its own joy.”
7. Age Shame
“Aging is not a loss - it is a becoming.”
We’ve been fed the lie that a woman’s worth ends with her childbearing years.
That after 40 or 50, she becomes invisible - her beauty fades, her voice softens, her dreams shrink.
Nonsense. Utter bullshit.
Because the truth is - our second breath is our fiercest.
We are not fading - we are rising.
8. The Myth of Not Enough Time
“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” (George Eliot)
Say it again. Louder.
It is never too late.
The world will try to convince us that our chances are gone. That we’ve missed the boat. That time is running out. But they don’t know what time does for a woman who dares to rise.
Time bends. It expands with courage. It starts again every morning.
This is Your Moment
This month, where we celebrate womanhood, let’s do the thing, or things, our soul has been longing for.
Let’s burn the old molds and dress up, wearing the ashes as art.
Let’s begin again.
Let’s shine like we were always meant to - from our very first, humble beginnings.
Because we are no longer waiting to be set free.
We are the ones holding the match.